flutterby

i still love you. . . . .

2006-01-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

Below is the winning piece in the latest contest sa UP Creative writing contest.

its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang namimiss ko na siya... pero what can i do? it seems that i have loved the wrong person....
but still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung walang magbibigay ng gamot para dito sa nararamdaman ko.... baka mamatay na ako.... to
give you a background about my life, everthing seems to be fine except dun sa time na dumating na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na lalake
na yon.... hehehehe.... kung curious kayo about dun sa guy... bestfriend ko po yon kaso lang iba na ang nangyari as time passes by.....
classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga ang tawagan namen.... o db ang sweet? di na ako iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa
aken.... kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na ako nun sa bahay nila and baka lahat ng gawaing pang brusko eh ipagawa na
nun sa ken eh.....
pero cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!! highskul cyempre may pr om.... wala cyang date, wla ren ako.... i
know that he wanted to invite me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun kaya the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went to our
house... nakamotor po sya and medyo pawisan pero infairness.... mabango pa ren.... he ask my permission to see my dress for the
prom.... cyempre para maloka sya sa aken at may konting surprise... i refuse.... o sige, medyo na frustrate sya pero hindi yon naging
hadlang para invite nya ko.... sa ganda ko na to..... cyempre ang dami munang pa-echeng.... hanggang sa tanungin nya ako kung may date
na ba me.... e kung di ba naman siya abnormal eh.... papayag ba akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang gusto ko.... lam mo yon...
sarap sampalin.... so in short, papilit pa ba ako?
syempre..... the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi ng nang-uuto kong nanay... pero
naniwala lang ako nang sya na ang nagsabi.... blush ako ever.... kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth(hehehehe) iba pa ren yung sa
kanya galing diba? we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na mahal ko na pala ang hinayupak na bestfrend ko......
syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom kundi ang graduation na db? the night before the graduation, we talked on the phone na
para bang it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang boses ng isat-isa..... ive waited for the moment na mabanggit nya na may
feelings din sya and hindi naman ako nagkamali.... tinanong nya ako kung may possibilty daw na maging kame.... i know na maiinis kayo
sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang sagot ko? ah, eh.... hindi pwede kase bestfrends tayo eh.... yung mga anak na lang naten yung ipag- partner
naten.... sa isip-isip ko.... ang tanga! pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na akong magagawa..... alam namang bawiin ko pa
eh di nahuli naman ako db? pe ro ang tanga ko talga....
cyempre college na.... im so proud to say na napunta naman ako sa magandang school and take note... pareho kame ng skul..... ano to?
kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan namen?.... hehehe....
nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half.... minahal ko sya pero there are these conflicts and problems na di na kayang ayusin.... in short....
nagbreak kame..... i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din yung time na nagkita kame ng bestfrend ko..... sa sobrang miss namen
ang isa't-isa.... sabay na kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok..... im happy pero parang lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sarili ko dahil my
feelings for that guy grows each and everytime that we are together... buti na lang magaling akong magtago at magpigil.... hehehe.... bilib
kayo noh?.....
one morning, im so busy preparing my project that would be pass on that same day.... alam kong dumati ng na sya at nasa
likuran ko na ang mokong pero dahil sobrang pressure sa project.... gusto ko man syang dambahan... cyempre mamayang gabi na lang di
ba? hehehe.... di ko sya masyadong napansin..... may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i could join him sa lunch.... i said yes....
then, alis na cya.... alam naman kc nyang im busy..... when i was about to enter the room, somebody bumped me and my precious project
fell... gusto ko mang magalet... what can i do db? instead i ask my prof to give me another chance to do my project.... naalala ko si
mokong.... the lunch date.... kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that i cant come to our meeting.... e kaso.... pag tinamaan k nga naman ng
malas.... check operator service daw.... i tried to look for friends or other kakilala pero malas that day talaga.... and so i took my lunch all by
my self.... naalala ko yung letter.... hinanap ko sa bag... WALA !!!! bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon pa yung sulat.... wala ren....
god! why? minsan lang magbigay ng sulat yon.... nawala pa.... dont know how to tell him about the letter....
and so days and weeks passed,
pag nagkikita kame... di nya ako pinapansin... ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako pero ganon ba kalaki ang
nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang ang iwas nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang.... months na ang binilang... i heard that he was
dating a girl from the same school that we are in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila na.... mas masakit na wala na akong halaga
sa kanya..... basta... ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks.... months....
gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in my last day in school.... and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out
namen.... when i was about to get near the place.... i saw him... with the girl.... umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking
about.... so ive decided to get out of that place before my tears burst out.... and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken.... saying na
buntis ang girl.... syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko.... kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko..... the night of that
same day.... naloka ang lola nyo.... nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon... i thought it was something
good for me... for us.... pero i was wrong.... so wrong..... he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids..... the girl... she was
waiting in the car.... o db? dati motor lang ngaun... car na.... and so the wedding came.... maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko pero
wala ng nagsecond the motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa nanay ko.... then, there was this professor who c ame to see me.... he
handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the enveloped.... he said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po
malaki po ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the
letter thinking that it could save souls... daw.... and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino daw ang tututol... dedma
ako.... alam namang manggulo pa ko noh.... binasa ko na ang letter..... nakakatouch po talaga.... he opened up his feelings for me....
hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for him.... he ask that if i will show up to our hang- out the next day after he gave his letter, then it
means that i also have feelings for him and that he would love me for the rest of our lives.... but if i wont.... then he will never open that topic
again.... he pleaded to me na sana pumunta ako... ... if only i have that letter.... if only i knew about it.... kung di lang ako clumsy and carelss
to keep that letter... things would be diffrent.... if only..... and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife.... ang sakit......
picture taking..... gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko.... as you know.... magaling akong magpigil.... pero masakit po talaga....
sobra...... after the picture taking...... niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko.... ang higpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na.... i still love you.......

kindly take some time out and be touched...

2006-01-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in Milaor, Camarines Sur, there lived a fourth grader boy who would follow this route to school everyday: He has to cross the rugged plains and cross the dangerous highway where vehicles are recklessly driving to and from.

Once past this highway, the boy would take a short cut, passing by the Church every morning just to say Hi to God, and faithfully say his, "Magandang umaga po" in Bicol dialect. He was faithfully being watched by a Priest who was happy to find innocence so uplifting in the morning,

"Kamusta, Andoy? Papasok ka na?"

"Opo padre ... "

he would flash his innocent grin, the priest would be touched. He was so concerned that one day he talked to Andoy.

"From school...", he advised "Do not cross the highway, you can pass through the Church and I can accompany you to the other side of the road ...that way I can see that you are home safe...."

"Thank you father ..."

"Why don't you go home ... do you stay in this church right after school?"

"I just want to say "Hi" to my friend, God,"

and the priest would leave the boy to spend time beside the altar, talking to himself, but the priest was hiding behind the altar to listen to what this boy has to say to his heavenly FATHER.

"You know my math exam was pretty bad today, but I did not cheat although my seatmate is bullying me for notes... I ate one cracker and drank my water, Itay had a bad season and all I can eat is this cracker. Thank you for this! I saw a poor kitten w! ho was hungry and I know how he feels so I gave my last cracker to him ... funny but I am not that hungry. Look, this is my last pair of slippers ...I may have to walk barefoot next week, you see this is about to be broken... but it is okay ....at least I am still going to school.... Some say we will have a hard season this month, some of my classmates have already stopped going to school ... please help them get to school again, please God? ...Oh, you know, Inay hit me again, it is painful, but I know this pain will pass
away, at least I still have a mother.... God, you want to see my bruises? I know you can heal them.... Here... here and .... oh ...blood ... I guess you knew about this one huh? Please don't be mad at Inay, she is just tired and she worries for the food in our table and my schooling that is why she hits us ....Oh, I think I am in love ... there's this pretty girl in my class, her name is Anita ... do you think she will like me? Anyway, at least I know you will always like me, I don't have to be anybody just to please you, you are my very best
friend! Hey your birthday is two days from now!!! Aren't you excited? I am! Wait till you see, I have a gift for you .... but it is a surprise! I hope you will like it! Oooops, I have to go ..." then he stood up and calls out, "Padre, padre, I am finished talking to my friend ... you can accompany me to the other side of the road now"

This routine happens everyday. Andoy never fails. Father Agaton shares this every Sunday to the people in his church because he has not seen a very pure faith and trust in God, a very positive look at negative situations.

One Christmas day, Father Agaton was sick so he could not make it in the Church, he was sent to the hospital. The Church was left to 4 manangs who would chant the rosary in 1000 miles per hour, would not smile and would always find fault in what you do, they were also very well versed in cursing if you irritate them! They were kneeling, saying their kilometric rosary when Andoy, coming from his Christmas party, playfully dashed in.

"Hello God! I ....."

"P----!! (a curse) bata ka!! Alam mo nang may nagdadasal!! Alis!!"

Poor Andoy was so terrified, "Where's Father Agaton? He is supposed to help me cross the street .... and to be able to cross the street I will have to pass by the back door of this church ...not only that, I have to greet Jesus. It is His birthday, I have a gift right here...."

Just as he was about to get the gift out of his shirt, the manang pulled his shirt and threw him out of the church. "Susmaryosep!!! (does the sign of the cross fervently) Alis kang bata ka, kung hindi matatamaan ka!!!

So the boy had no choice but to cross the dangerous side of the road in front of the church. He crossed. A fast moving bus came in. There was a blind curve. The boy was protecting his gift inside his shirt, so he was not looking. There was so little time. Andoy died on the spot. A lot of people crowded the poor boy, the body of a lifeless young boy ...

Suddenly, out of nowhere a tall man in a pure white shirt and pants, a face so mild and gentle, but with eyes full of tears... He came and carried the boy in His arms. He was crying. Curious bystanders nudged the man in white, and asked,

"Excuse me sir, are you related to this child?

Do you know this child?"

The man in white, His face mourning and in agony, looked up and answered,

"He was my best friend .... " was all he said. He took the badly wrapped gift in the bloody chest of the lifeless boy, and placed it near His heart.

He stood up and carried the boy away and they both disappeared in sight.

The crowd was curious ...

On Christmas Eve, Father Agaton learned of the shocking news. He visited the house, and wanted to verify about the man in white. He consulted the parents of Andoy. "How did you know that your son died?"

"A man in white brought him here." sobbed the mother.

"What did he say?"

The father answered, "He did not say anything. He was mourning. We do not know him and yet he was very lonely about our son's death, as if he knew our son very well. But there was something peaceful and unexplainable about him. He gave me my son, and then he smiled peacefully. He brushed my son's hair away from his face and kissed him on his forehead, then he whispered something ..."

"What did he say?"

"He said to my boy..." the father began, "Thank you for the gift ... I will see you soon ... you will be with me..." and the father of the boy continued, "and you know for a while, it felt so wonderful ... I cried, but I do not know why....all I know is I cried tears of joy ... I could not explain it, Father, but when that man left, something peaceful came over me, I felt a deep sense of love inside ... I could not explain the joy in my heart, I knew my boy is in heaven now but...tell me,
Father, who is this man that my son talks to everyday in your church, you should know because you are always there ... except at the time of his death ....."

Father Agaton suddenly felt the tears welling in his eyes, with trembling knees, he murmurred, " ... He was talking to no one ..... but

.. GOD...."

***See how great it is to have the Lord as your BESTEST-BEST friend??^,^
He works wonders...just have faith and let Him be your friend, your guide,your strength... =)

bday ng mahal kong nanay Kanike (Janice)

2006-01-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

When: October 27, 2005 Thursday
Where: The Roman Garden, Theresa Heights Subd.
What: 18th Birthday of Kanike, Janice my sister

All the Lilo & Stich invitations were sent out...the food, the cake, (the bubble-makerÜ) and the place were all ready for the surprise... and so, the night has come for the big event!

Me, my ate and mom (together with the Joligs), had spent a great deal of time and effort just to keep this surprise party a big secret. It was really hard! Because day by day, some of the surprise details are being unveiled by my sister from us! take note sa amin ng mga friends nyang nagplan pa nya unti-unting nabubuking! ay sus!Ü But it was all worth it and our efforts paid off because my sister was still surprised and she had a blast!, of which I'm glad.

Everybody was wearing hawaiian outfits with matching leis we handed out when they arrived at the party. When my sister came, her path was lighted with torches while hawaiian music was playing at the background. My sister was so surprised that she broke into tears especially when she saw the place and the guests.The dinner was served, the program started and the surprises kept on coming...Ü

And though it was a rainy evening we were able to pull-up the surprise Luau party for my youngest sister, my beloved Nanay.Ü

memories, lost in one's own.......

2005-06-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Memories, lost in one's own.......

i thought my search has ended when our paths crossed
but when we went our separate ways to pursue our own dreams,
we lost keeping in touch, or was it just i thinking it that way.
it has been years since we last saw each other
but every detail of your face, your eyes, your nose, your lips
are still very clear in my memory.
but i may never have known
that for you i might as well be a lost memory....
i hope not...

** to the man who was, has been and always is my first and true love...

2005-03-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

kuya jay e-mailed this to me and

somehow i can relate to this. la lang ishshare ko lang.

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you stop going along with
the crowd and start realizing that there
are a lot of things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder
where you will be in a year or two, but
then get scared because you barely know
where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish
and that, maybe, those friends that you thought
you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met and the people you have
lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you do not realize is that they are realizing
that too and are not really cold or catty or mean
or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing or maybe you are
looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of
socializing with the same people on a constant basis.
But then you realize that maybe they weren't so
great after all. You are beginning to understand
yourself and what you want and do not want.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging a bit
more than usual because suddenly you realize that
you have certain boundaries in your life and add
things to your list of what is acceptable and what
is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and
cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel
alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past
with dear life but soon realize that the past is
drifting further and further away and there is nothing
to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone
you loved could do such damage to you or you lay
in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent
enough to get to know better. You love someone but
maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you are doing this because you are not a bad
person.

You go through the same emotions and questions
over and over and talk with your friends about the
same topics because you cannot seem to make a
decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and
making a life for yourself and while winning the
race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a
contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading
this relates to it. We are in our best of times and
our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to
figure this whole thing out.

Share this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they are not alone.

Simply Paradise......Puerto Galera

2005-02-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

Simply Paradise...... Puerto Galera!

(February 19-21 2005)

February 19,2005- Saburday
*10:30 am
We left the office to get a ride to Batangas pier. Everybody was so excited and they just cannot hide it... i know i know.... hay naku corny na! =)
Anyways, we arrived at the pier around 145 pm and luckily we caught up with the 2pm ride to White Beach, Puerto Galera and so our journey began....

*2:00 pm
All of us stayed at the deck of the Supercat to get a better view and sa sobrang excitement, pag tapak pa lang sa bangka eh walang katapusan na ang picture-taking parang ngayon lng mga nakakita ng dagat! hehehe.... may mga nagsesenti sa tabi, may mga kumakanta ng "wala ka bang napapansin.." ala ASIN sabay pa-cute sa camera, and meron pang nangangatog ang tuhod dahil mukhang first time yata sumakay ng bangka.
We feasted our eyes upon the wondrous and breath-taking sights! The skies were clear, the water's blue and the sun was glaring. It was a perfect day!!! Thank you Lord for all the wonders of Your hand and thank You for that wonderful experience! Haay... super ganda!!!...as in..

*3:00 pm
Nearing the dock, everybody got all giddy and ready to jump off the boat! (super linaw ng water parang pool!) Here we are!!! Finally, we arrived at Puerto Galera!
Tuhod guy:Nasaan na tayo guys?
ALL: "Welcome to BAGUIO!!!!" =D

We boarded off and kissed the sand.... (nah just kidding!!!) Steph met up with the friend of her father, who knows the place where we'll be staying. (aba! ka-look-alike pa ni Soxie Topacio!) Everybody was so exhausted and hungry kasi it was so hot and medyo malayo-layo pa ang nilakad papunta sa house, at mukhang nasa kabilang bundok pa yata kami pupunta! (anong petsa na?) Everybody settled and sa sobrang init hala nagsiksikan lahat sa room na may aircon!
At ang lolah nyo hindi na nakayanan ang pagod at puyat kaya borlogs!!! pero carry lang.
We had dinner at around 730-8 yata un and then borlogs ulit kahit lahat ang iingay at ang kukulit!!!

Kanya-kanyang hirit at banat lahat kahit na mga puyat at pagod sa byahe!
"Wala ka bang napapansin....." PWEDE BA! MAGPATULOG KAYO!!!

May bukas pa!......zzzzz...

Facet of a Reverie

2004-12-28T17:48:00.000-08:00

Facet of a Reverie

As i passed through the field of sorrow

one by one i see faces agloom.

My hands witnessed the cold vast

souls wandering.

I walked and walked,

I searched...

until I felt a hand

half passed, half caught within mine.

Slowly, he touched and clasped my hands

and i felt the warmth of his touch seeping through my veins.

I looked at him in wonder,

seeking for an answer.

But his eyes readily confessed the deepest sincerity,

with love overflowing.

My search has reached its final destination

I have found the answer

in the hands of the faceless man.

love your work.....

2004-10-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

sentiments about work......

something to think about......

sentiments about life itself.

"Love Your Work"

if you don't like our work,

you'll need three times the energy;

to force yourself to work,

to resist the force,

and finally to work.

if you love your work,

your desire to do it

will be like a wind

to propel your ship

with much less fuel.

if you like your work,

you work no more-

for work, when you like it,

is work no longer,

but sheer enjoyment!!!

if you enjoy your work,

you'll work and work

without counting the hours-

and you'll reap and enjoy

more earnings as well.

- HL Neri

a time for everything. . .

2004-08-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

"To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under heaven:
a time to weep,
a time to laugh,
a time to mourn,
and a time to dance."